I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
