This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
