using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up under a house in Key West
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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