ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
