My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
