I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
