you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I know her cup size but not her name....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
