He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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