as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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