You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
