It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
