So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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