I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
