i wish there were pregnant emoticons
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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