your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize