I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You made out with two different species that night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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