shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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