I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
