Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
