He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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