i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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