I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
