when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
