I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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