i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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