I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
