I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
