Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online

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(517): View more from Michigan

I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.

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(807): View more from Ontario

Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.

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(518): View more from New York

I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.

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