I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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