walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
