Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?