I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says