does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM