Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
