Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?