Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
