He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
