remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They have beer where we have blood.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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