is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
