so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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