The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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