THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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