you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
