Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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