Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
