I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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