I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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