just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
