I will die if light touches me.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
