I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
