I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
