I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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