woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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