you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
