i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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