Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
