just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
