you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
