So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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