just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
