yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
