You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
