last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
