Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
