Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
