Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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