so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
