he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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