I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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