Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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