i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
