i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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