dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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