i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize