Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
